Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is what it takes to sit down and  listen. – W Churchill.

Take time, today just to listen to someone. Avoid all temptations to think how you’re going to respond, let alone say anything in reply. Just listen to what they are saying. If they ask for your advice freely give it. If they don’t you have your answer already for you provided the opportunity for them to simply share.

Listening in this way is one of the hardest skills to do so it is something that we need to practise every day. The more that we truly listen the more we’ll find others will feel safe enough ‘open up’.

Remember though: listen to doesn’t mean agree with; it simply letting go of the need to prove you’re right.

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What did you participate in #today and for how long?

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Your #emotional #mind will control you if you allow it. #Learn to #manage it.
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Happy New Year! Here’s 20 Things to Start Doing if you aren’t doing them already. Which ones are you committing to do? I’m going to stretttttttchhhhhh more!

20 Things to Start Doing

What are you planning to do today? The key word is ‘planning’. All too often we take this sentence to mean: What are you going to do today?’. The difference is subtle but significant. Spend time in planning.

Further, spend a disproportionately greater time in planning than in actually doing the task itself. This may seem counter intuitive. However, your planning will be rewarded. Your axe will be sharp and it will cut through the wood so much quicker than if you’d only given it minimal time, or no time at all!

Sharpen the axe and spend time doing so. A lot of time. It will be worth it in the end.

If I had eight hours to chop down a tree I’d spend six hours sharpening my axe.

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“The #perspective on an issue is distorted when so close to it. It looks much bigger than it really is. #Step away and the issue now looks smaller. You can now see other things around you more easily too. ” S Long

“A #principle is something that everyone must live by. If you believe on principle that you should act in one way to another then you must accept that they can act that way to you.” S. Long. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Bible. Matthew 7:12

“Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them.” – Epictetus (Ancient Greece)

What’s your view?

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I was walking down a local road recently and I could see ahead of me a speeding warning sign. The sign flashes the maximum speed that you should be travelling for any vehicles exceeding that speed limit. For this sign that speed is 30 miles an hour since it’s a residential area.

The sad thing was, as I walked along the road on a busy weekday evening, every vehicle that passed me received the flashing warning sign that they were exceeding the speed limit. Not only that, but I looked at the break light panel of all the vehicles that passed and none of them applied their brakes. Put simply, they all ignored the ‘request’ of the sign.

Human nature being what it is, however, generally doesn’t respond well to what it’s told it’s doing wrong. “30” was the flash and it had zero impact on the slowing down of the drivers. Something tells me too that there may well have been a handful of drivers who reacted by driving faster. What I also do know as fact is that there is now a speed monitor across the road further up the road.

In another village not to far from me there’s another driver sign. Whenever you travel no faster than the maximum speed limit it flashes “Thank you”. Whenever I’ve driven there I’ve noticed some drivers slow down. Not all but that will always be the way for some simply won’t respond positively. Some drivers do slow down though.

It seems to me that flashing “Thank you” in someone’s face to doing what you want them to do brings a better response than flashing “30” in their face for doing what you don’t want them to do.

The moral of this anecdote. I’ll let you decide.

Back in August 2010 I wrote about procrastination and what we can do about it.

I also wrote about how a technique called double-think can be used to our advantage and you can read about that technique here.

The final part in the jigsaw will help you remain motivated to reach your desired goals. So much self-help has been written and spoken about in this field. The airwaves have been full of people purporting to tell you THE techniques that can make you slimmer, help you give up smoking or get you the job of your dreams. Do they actually work though? May be on occasions they have; however, the vast amount of empirical evidence would suggest that these techniques don’t work. And a lot of money has come the way of the people selling you the techniques as a result.

What follows are strategies that empirical evidence shows do work. 5000 people were asked from all over the world to vote what strategies they had experienced were successful in helping them reach their desired goals and what had proved unsuccessful. From the analysis that followed the overwhelming data supports the following five strategies as strategies that work. There may well be reasons behind the times that we fail and that’s where I come in, as a Powerchange Coach! However, if you want to increase your motivation and likelihood of reaching your goals the following strategies will get you there.

In general they fall into the colloquially known ‘Captain Obvious’ strategies. In other words, not only do they work but anyone could have told you that! May be so. How is it then that there are so many best seller books on helping you reaching your goals that talk about so many OTHER strategies? May be the sellers have another motive or two…

So, are you excited and want to know more about reaching your goals, for free?! (Am I doing myself out of an income here?!) Then read on…

Strategy 1
You need a plan.

Author Zig Ziglar famously wrote that people don’t tend to wander around and end up at the top of Everest! You may also have heard of the famous quote: ‘Fail to plan, plan to fail.’. Make sure that your goal plan target is specific though. Vague targets such as ‘I want to lose weight’ probably won’t help you get where you want to be. Be specific. ‘I want to lose (or gain!) 2 kg by this coming June.’ is much more specific and much more likely to be achieved if the remaining strategies in this blog entry are also followed.

From your specific goal create a series of step-by-step stages that are:
Specific once more (I will lose 1 inch)
Measurable (In this case use a tape measure!)
Realistic (‘I will lose a stone this week’ is not only dangerous but unrealistic too leading to disappointment)
Timed (By Feb 1st I will…)

‘Havent I heard this somewhere before? Aren’t these SMART targets?’ I hear you cry. I said is was ‘Captain Obvious’ didn’t I!

Strategy 2
Let others in on the goals: accountability.

An article published ‘Self-Reinforcement Effects. An Artifact on Social Setting’ identified accountability as a key concept in motivation and goal achievement. In an experiment people were asked to record how long they thought a series of lines were (they had to estimate, as they had no rulers.) The people then had a choice as to whether they submitted their results to the person administering the test or keep their results to themselves. The findings were remarkable. Those who submitted their results were far more motivated by the outcomes of the test than those who kept their results to themselves.

What might be the reasons for this? It seems that this lies in the following three statements:

We want to belong
We want to be right
We want to stay the same

The above is my ‘laymen’s terms’ summary for what psychologists refer to as the 3 Universal Goals: Affiliation, Accuracy and Positive self-concept. We want people’s perceptions of us to be positive, accurate and crucially to remain the same. We are so committed to these goals that giving our goals to someone else is one sure way of us remaining committed to our cause. In our mind the commitment was high when we gave them our goals. Therefore, we will do all that we can to sustain that commitment as the days, weeks and months pass by. Yes, it’s true the commitment will fade over time if this was the only strategy to use. That’s where the remaining strategies come in.

Strategy 3
Regularly remind yourself of all the benefits.

You may have heard of the strategy: WIIFI or What’s in it for me? Recognising all the benefits that we’ll receive as a result of reaching the goal is a strong motivational factor. It encourages us to look forward, too. Literally, ‘I’m looking forward to…’ will help create the emotional state that helps to keep us on track. In contrast, merely imagining what we want to achieve without the specific benefits often lacks the emotional commitment required to ‘stick at it’.

Strategy 4
Reward yourself.

Put in place small but significant rewards at all of the step-by-step stages and always remain positive about rewarding yourself. Guilt about rewarding yourself is generally not helpful. Treating yourself every day, all day, might not be the way to go though!

Stategy 5
Express all of the above stages:
Your specific plan and sub-plans (step-by-step strategy)
Your support structure (who you’re telling)
Your benefits (WIIFI)
Your rewards (success treats)

in writing.

How that form of writing takes is entirely up to you. Some people like notes on the fridge. Others email their plans to their team. Some people post it on Facebook. Still others write it in a journal by their bed and read it every morning and night.

The form of writing that it takes is largely irrelevant. Just ‘Put it in writing’. A verbal agreement might be legally binding in some American States but it doesn’t work anything like as effectively on your mind as putting it down in writing. The simple act of writing also consolidates and clarifies your thoughts and increases your commitment to them markedly.

So, there you have it. Five strategies to increase commitment in just over 1000 words. Just think how many self-help books are out there with countless many more words in them, and might not work as effectively as these to boot!

I would be so appreciative if you could let me know in this blog how you got on using these strategies. Please do post your comments below. I look forward to reading them.